The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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