Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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