I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize