I accidentally had phone sex last night
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
