So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I've blown a few things in my day
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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