There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
