come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize