i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
