Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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