When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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