can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
