Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
