just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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