omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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