i may or may not be watching the land before time
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
