Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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