found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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