I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
