normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
