fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
