i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
