He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
