My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
