my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
