hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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