I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
