Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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