at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize