If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
