Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
