Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i think i just lost a toe
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