when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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