it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
