I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
