You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
