omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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