Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
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