last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
