I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
