can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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