it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
