He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
40s are totally the cure
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
