Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
