we have officially lost it.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
