I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
