You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
