I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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