I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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