I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
