I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Someone shattered a urinal.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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