I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
