I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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