Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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