apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
