No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize