Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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