I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
