My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
