Im at strip club and am horny
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize