I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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