i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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