are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
