i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
