i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
