i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
