I understand Curling. That high.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
