Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
