The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
