i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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