We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
