put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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