they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Two words: blizzard sex
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
