so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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