dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Are we still banned from the library?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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